why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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