I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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