"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
