I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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