Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize