I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.