A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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