well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties