I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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