You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs