At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...