The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
