Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
