Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
