everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
