im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
