Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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