I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
