While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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