Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
