Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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