areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
