I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
