ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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