apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
