You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
