I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
