WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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