Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
