Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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