whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
