Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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