how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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