I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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