It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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