Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
