laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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