Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
