Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
