well I can't set my house on fire every night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize