I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
