party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
