I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
