party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
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