We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
