did you get engaged???
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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