Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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