I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
