Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
