I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
