Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My ass is underappreciated
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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