Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
