he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
