u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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