9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
