Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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