she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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