im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The air was thick with penises
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
