Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
