i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
