11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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