It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
