I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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