Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
