i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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