My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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