you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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