Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
