u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
