How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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