so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
