he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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