Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
