he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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