WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
