I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
