i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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