I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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