Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry about my life...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
