Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
