Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think my mom watched the whole time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
