we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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