I wanna bring you to show and tell
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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